Don't say everything's working when everything's broken

10:19AM

Boy dies playing 'passing out game,' officials believe

I am too lazy to check to see if I referenced this in one of my recent entries (I probably did) but I recently went to rehab (I have 101 days clean & sober btw). For anyone familiar with 12 step programs, the first step is admitting that you are powerless over _______. In my case it's pretty much everything but that is beside the point I am trying to get at. In a rehabilitation setting and to many people trying to help someone "work the 12 steps" the best way to get through the 1st step is to write out a "paper" describing how you became powerless--basically it's a play by play of your fucked up life.

When I wrote my play-by-play I thought about this game we played when we were younger which I believe was my first experimentation with "mind alteration." The news is now calling it the "choking game" but we called it "1-2-3 Up" I believe--because we would hyperventilate bent over at the waist before we would come up and get choked out by our friends. I hadn't thought about this in years--though we played it obsessively when I was in elementary school--and all the sudden it's all over the place.

I can't believe it took so many years to become a hot topic--I remember thinking "This can't be that dangerous because I've never seen anything about people dying from it."

I am literally sick to my stomach reading these stories about kids doing the same bullshit I did. But instead of thirteen years later reading about it, they are never coming back. Being a mother puts an even more sickening spin on this because now I automatically have to consider the mother's of these children--never seeing their child again and knowing it was over a stupid game.

Someone's mom found out at one point and our little games were broken up. My assumption is the good kids I was around stopped altogether at our friend's mother's well-meaning "Do you want to end up brain-dead?"
Not me though.
My games just went underground and--even more terrifying--alone. Eventually I discovered alcohol, weed, acid, e, etc. and 1-2-3 Up fortunately lost it's charm.
I wonder, as some of the newspaper writers in recent days have, how many juvenile deaths have been ruled suicides thanks to their obsession with asphyxiation and how many will now be exposed since the media has finally discovered this sick underbelly of pre-pubescent suburbia.
Thank god I'm here.

Current mood: sad

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11:05AM

before blue will be at Jazzbones tonight.
Show starts at 8.
And I will be there so what more can you ask?
Really fun set list so pls check it out..

www.beforeblue.com (they have not updated this in far too long though)
www.myspace.com/beforeblue

msg me or call me for anything further..i'm on msn messenger

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6:41PM

Holy shit. I am alive.

Ive stopped using LJ because I've found that I enjoy my life a tad more private than I used to. Felix will be 3 on Sunday. Crazy. I went to treatment and am now clean and sober (81 days).. which i guess weirds me a bit to be using my "prollyntsosober" accounts.
I am now blonde.
Riley's band is in the studio again. I have also put them on myspace so search for before blue.


Felix N Riley recently..

I am still on msn messenger at mandamanda00@hotmail.com and I keep myspace updated to an extent but I simply no longer have the need to air all my dirty laundry. It's obvious that even my clean laundry was dirty at one point so I'd rather just generally stay quiet.

Fun stuff.

Lovins for you all.

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11:38AM

Swear on Bubaji!!!! says:
what about the other end of the relationship?
Swear on Bubaji!!!! says:
the...
Swear on Bubaji!!!! says:
receiving end?
Can I steal a polaroid of you says:
oral?
Swear on Bubaji!!!! says:
no
Swear on Bubaji!!!! says:
the receiving of the anal
Swear on Bubaji!!!! says:
oi.
Swear on Bubaji!!!! says:
not too much pleasure experience there, I'd imagine.
Can I steal a polaroid of you says:
well yeah that sucks dick..which i imagine is why so many gay couples don't do it..but I mean, ifyou receive then all is fair and you get to give so dealing with it is almost a fair trade off i would think..that is if i were a gay male..which i am not..but i am not and i have still had anal sex which I guess puts me ahead of 70% of gay males in the gayness quotient

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9:07AM - My imperfections

1. I don't clean the lint trap often enough and habitually toss the red towels in with everything else.

2. I am too sexual.

3. Sometimes I leave crumbs on the counter.

4. I can't go to bed at 10pm. Sometimes even 11pm.

5. I cook with onions, garlic and mushrooms and would much rather experiment than slap a pre-shaped hamburger patty on the grill.

6. I forget to turn off the coffeemaker.

7. I will do everything naked.

8. I forget to plug my cell phone into the charger.

9. I love the Food Network.

..to be continued..

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8:09AM

I quit smoking.
(Two hours ago)
So we'll have to see how that goes. I feel good about it right now because for as long as I've *talked* about *maybe* doing it, I've actually never said to myself I'm going to do this so that gives me hope. That and I figure with all the money I save I can probably get myself the fake boobs I have been dreamin about.



No, I didn't ask what the two questions were but I can guess.


Went to the fair and got a little country.

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2:12PM

For the first time in 30+ years my parents had the house to themselves. In less than one week my sister moved to the dorms at PLU, started school, decided she didn't want to live with a bunch of children and moved back home. So much for my parents rolling around the living room naked.

I also discovered that two months ago after riley and i had an argument about his love of online porn and all the girl friends he had online (that included me being kinda psychotic and checkin up on his profiles, etc..sorry i'm nuts sometimes :) that he changed the status on his Yahoo Profile to Single And Looking..
Caused tears..but he explained that he was just pissed when i called him so I sucked it up and for once didnt cause a big blowup over something silly..Applause for Manda.

If I have to read one more Bumbershoot entry I'm going to strangle somebody--in as nice a way as I can :) Poo on jobs that make you feel guilty when you ask for specific days off. I hope the Pixies and built to spill were fun..

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3:31PM

I just spent 4 days living off only what I could carry on my back. I would never say that I was a city girl but my needs do unfortunately outweigh the needs of most REI-ish outdoorsy people. I really can't believe how good I feel. I mean, besides the fact that muscles I never even knew I had are hurting. For four days I didn't hear a car or a cell phone, a TV or even a computer (eek).
Cleansing?
Yes.

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10:26AM

Someone died today.
My heart mourns.
Tears crawl down the back of my throat.
I’m safely tucked away for forty-eight hours
but when I emerge
I’ll smile at you.
And I wont wear T-shirts like the stupid Canadians.
Death’s no joke.
I know.

(Talk some shit)

2:07PM

Elliot's Hand(<-- Riley's band)
&
Xanther
Thursday August 19th
7:30-ish
at the Firwood in Fife
$3 cover
21+

Take 167 to the end in Puyallup, right off 167, left at the first light (towards Fife)..The firwood is a ways down on the left (after you go over a big bridge)..
Fun :)

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10:14AM

Ahh...I still dont have a livejournal update program--I am such a baby about having my hand held through the little features those programs provide..I guess that just means everything gets to look severely boring for a little bit.

So I am going on a backpacking trip. Yes.. As in eating dried food and not bringing beer because its too heavy. I'm a small town girl but i'm also a city mouse. Excited and scared.

We're out of coffee creamer and can't afford to buy more.
I need to get laid.

i'm black and blue from fighting with this bitch at work. My knees are tore up and I have scratches and a bruised handprint. But take that bitch, you went to jail.

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1:10PM - What was good..

John Mayer is definitely one of the cutest guys alive and if I hadn't already found the epitome of the perfect man I would probably take Mr. Mayer up on all the marriage proposals he's been sending my way.

The concert was very nice. I am torn when it comes to the venue--on the one hand, I love anything outdoors and when it comes to a nice summer night there is nothing better than an outdoor show. Of course, on the other hand, its huge and there is absolutely no intimacy--except maybe with the 50 people they squish into any given 10 foot square area of seating. But our neighbors were nice--they even okayed our smoking while sitting there.

Anyway, John Mayer's charm comes from the adorable awkwardness--the guy isn't star material really. He's intelligent. He's the way-too-smart-for-their-own-good kids that I knew in high school..socially inept but brilliant. And I just really want to hug him for it.
Oh yeah, and it helps that it looks like he's having orgasm after orgasm while he's playing guitar--how can you resist that. The faces used to bother me until i realized how sexual they seem to be. Now I can't get enough. haha.

And of course his talent blows me away--there are few guitarists who can break into drawn-out solos in almost every song and still keep my attention..Course maybe it was the O-faces again.

Not particularly impressed with Switchfoot though the lead singer was bouncy (as far as I could see from the perch I was sitting on)..and DJ Logic? He was really fun when he came onstage with John Mayer but when he was opening I don't think there was really one person in the crowd that was paying attention to him. I felt kind of bad for him until he kept just stopping one song and throwing on the next--at least *try* and mix them..and do you *have* to speed up every song so they sound like the chipmunks? Jay-Z just doesn't have the same impact when his voice sounds like Mary-Kate is talking.

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12:14PM - trying to give my life meaning by demeaning you

Our computer got some sort of awful virus that completely effed everything up last week..so we broke out the lap top..and i'd just figured out how to use my man's webcam--which was amusing if not particularly exciting. Can't get it to work on this.

Sighing--John Mayer is Sunday *heartsandbattingeyelashes*

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11:58PM

I am surviving off Nyquil (okay, its called "Equate" or something..generic)..It feels like there are 10,000 little pebbles doin some sort of crazy jig in my lungs everytime I laugh. I can probably count on my fingers the number of times that I have woke in the morning saying Please god, let my day go by with little to no humor. And I suppose I can feel my relief kicking in--I just spelled humor humber. Hmmm.

Excepting my lungs, stuffs been fun! We got a new truck--a 96 nissan pathfinder (shiny metallic green) that we traded Riley's 95 nissan pickup in for.. (haha, he's becoming a family guy--look at that.) and went truly ghetto by being approved for a Walmart credit card. Lookout bleached hair with black roots and white ribbed tank tops, here come the new kids on the block.

Felix's birthday is july 10th..barbecue at my house for those interested.

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1:01PM

From the Local section of the King County Journal:

RENTON

VETERAN SHOPLIFTER: After he was nabbed Sunday afternoon leaving Fred Meyer, 365 Renton Center Way S., without paying for a cart full of merchandise, a man told Renton police he's been arrested at that store three times for shoplifting. He's also served time for burglary and theft, he said. Before coming there Sunday, he told police, he figured with his record he'd serve eight to 12 months if he was caught, but he decided to steal some goods anyway because he needs money to support his heroin habit.

That was so my arrest! :)
I've never been in the paper before--even if they didn't actually mention me.

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7:27PM

I am connected to the world again.

Missed you :)

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2:45PM

We are moved in and without a phone line.
What I'm trying to say is that despite popular belief, I am not dead.
But
the phone company says that we should have a line on Wednesday so I suppose you'll see more of me again. Everything is beautiful--and I have three days off in a row so feel free to call me..
I puked from drinking too much in my new place for the first time last night. Fabulous devirginizations. So important.

(taken directly prior to sickness..i appear to be having fun at that point)

Call me, write me, whatever..I would still love to be connected to the world outside my little townhome.

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12:22PM

Haha.
Coheed is Buzzworthy.



Wonder how many kids will be striking them off their interests.

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11:21PM

I love that the weather got decent today and that I had 2 days off in a row and that they were actual weekend days..
I love that I have 2 days this week when I don't have to work past 7.
I love that we are signing papers on Friday and move in on Saturday!! Especially love that.

We barbecued today! () It was Riley's first time and we played the part of the cute suburban couple--I prepared the food and brought it out and he stood by the burgers and made sure they did all right. Summer makes me feel like I'm not getting quite as old as I feel sometimes.

I got my first lap dance last night :) Since we were poppin my cherry a buddy of mine bought the dance for me and..well..I guess I didn't realize that lap dances were not just something you sort of..sat and watched. Much more hands on than I thought it was going to be..I enjoyed myself..Perhaps a little too much--had to have a cigarette afterwards.
My guy friends with me there said that they never got as good of treatment as I did :)

So my son gave my sony ericsson camera phone a bath a few months back and I ended up having to use an old Nokia 3390..which made me feel oldschool but y'know, I dealt with it. So the 3390 stops charging and now I'm using the pre-3390 Nokias--the big long ones that were the first to have changable face plates and such..
The moral of this story is..
If anybody has a decent T-Mobile phone that they don't use--if you changed service providers or upgraded or something--lemme know..I'm trying not to be prissy but I feel silly bein so oldschool--phones are outdated in like 2 months these days.

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12:35PM

( Felix had a camera in his face today (don't worry, they're small) )

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